Vin Diesel, you don’t look a day over 45. Oh, better look out, Johnny Tran is in your photo shoot!
I knew I wanted to do a SUUUCKS today, but I just hadn’t been able to put my finger on what exactly. The idea had been a-stewin’ in my mind for a while to do 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) but a friend suggested 2 Furious was “2″ obvious (ohhhh) and that Fast Five (2011) should be chosen because it was the most recent and just sucked in a way that only a fifty-five year old Vin Diesel can suck. Then I thought, “Well, crap, I loved the first one in 9th grade. But I hate that one now, too! Why not do’em all?” And now you know how I came to this decision and how easily influenced I am.
The Fast and Furious series has five movies to its name and every one of them consists of rebellious thirty-year olds breaking the law to send other people to jail for…breaking the law. The first film is a near carbon-copy of Point Break (1991) but with cars instead of surfing. I don’t know if anyone else has realized that not yet, but the information is there, do with it what you will. Paul Walker’s character, Brian is an undercover cop who is sent to infiltrate a street racing gang that may be hijacking semis for their car equipment and whatnot. He does this by committing the same crimes as them and having sex with the leader’s sister. By the end, Brian decides to let Vin Diesel go, thereby accomplishing nothing throughout the entire film, save for having been corrupted himself. But hey, now he’s cool. Read more »