Archive for fast and furious

This Movie SUUUCKS: The Fast and the Furious Series; Part 2 of 2

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , , on 05/02/2012 by Taylor

Dang Rock, he’s opening up to you, just give him a hug.

So we’ve gone over the general storylines, right? Boy wants to be one of the popular kids. Popular kids eventually accept after boy drives car. Turns out boy is a cop. Does something to redeem himself to popular kids IF and only if popular kids are cool to begin with. Vin Diesel, yes. Cole Hauser, no. Who’s Cole Hauser? Exactly.

I know how loved this franchise is. Movies don’t get multiple sequels because they’re not making money. I completely understand why people like it too. Action, explosions, women, testosterone. But dang, man, let’s get some variety. The fifth one is about the only one that actually moved the characters forward. Before then, everybody seemed content with just having drivers bring down drug lords. I’ve met/known several people who raced and none of them seemed to have it on the agenda to “bring down La Fuego, local heroin smuggler/millionaire.” But hey, Vin Diesel’s put that on his “To Do” list, thankfully for the police department of whatever city he’s hanging around. Read more »

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This Movie SUUUCKS: The Fast and the Furious Series; Part: 1 of 2

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , , on 04/26/2012 by Taylor

Vin Diesel, you don’t look a day over 45. Oh, better look out, Johnny Tran is in your photo shoot!

I knew I wanted to do a SUUUCKS today, but I just hadn’t been able to put my finger on what exactly. The idea had been a-stewin’ in my mind for a while to do 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) but a friend suggested 2 Furious was “2″ obvious (ohhhh) and that Fast Five (2011) should be chosen because it was the most recent and just sucked in a way that only a fifty-five year old Vin Diesel can suck. Then I thought, “Well, crap, I loved the first one in 9th grade. But I hate that one now, too! Why not do’em all?” And now you know how I came to this decision and how easily influenced I am.

The Fast and Furious series has five movies to its name and every one of them consists of rebellious thirty-year olds breaking the law to send other people to jail for…breaking the law. The first film is a near carbon-copy of Point Break (1991) but with cars instead of surfing. I don’t know if anyone else has realized that not yet, but the information is there, do with it what you will. Paul Walker’s character, Brian is an undercover cop who is sent to infiltrate a street racing gang that may be hijacking semis for their car equipment and whatnot. He does this by committing the same crimes as them and having sex with the leader’s sister. By the end, Brian decides to let Vin Diesel go, thereby accomplishing nothing throughout the entire film, save for having been corrupted himself. But hey, now he’s cool. Read more »

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