This Movie Suuucks: The Room

To describe The Room is not that disimilar to getting in a car wreck: No matter how much or how well you explain just what it’s like to be in that situation, no one can truly understand until they suffer through it themselves. And Lord, do you suffer.

The movie starts off with the director/ producer/ writer/ resident idiot/ lead actor Tommy Wiseau ( I think it’s pronouced WIH- SOW) filling the role of Johnny, some guy who lives in San Francisco with his fiance, Lisa, and he knows other people too that have nothing to do with anything else in the movie. His best friend Greg starts to get it on with Lisa, eventually leading to a downward spiral of crap I guess. I’m not really sure what happens for the hour and forty minutes that it’s on screen. There is no plot, things just occur until the credits role, and as you saw above, half of the credits are Tommy Wiseau himself. If you’re wondering, yes, that’s his picture up there.

From what I understand, Tommy Wiseau underwent a great deal to get this movie made, garnering six million by selling sweatpants until he had enough. Not only do I have a hard time believing that this is how the funds were created, but that this piece of trash costed SIX MILLION. There are a total of two sets- the room (whoaaaa, see there?) and the roof. The entire movie is spent with horrible lines one after another (“Just keep your STUPID comments in your pocket!” “You’re right…the computer business is too competitive.”), or sub-plots that are never resolved or even mentioned again. Such as the mother of Lisa, who also has nothing to do with anything just happens to casually mentions, “I got the results of the test back; I definitely have breast cancer. Oh mom! You and your cancer! Tee hee! Honestly, I shouldn’t leave a link to that line alone because they are all so tremendously awful. There’s a scene where the “main” characters go outside and toss a football around in tuxedos. One character mentions it’s for wedding pictures but nobody gets married…

There’s even a DVD feature of Wiseau interviewing himself on why they wear tuxes while throwing the football and Wiseau starts explaining why it’s FUN TO THROW A FOOTBALL. Yes, thank you, Tommy Wiseau, for explaining why friends would want to throw a football. I want to keep going about how it doesn’t make any sense but I’m going to stop myself here. I don’t even have the energy to properly tear this thing apart. And it does take energy. I’ve gotten together with a couple friends for a session of awful movies and it really did take a toll. By the end of the movie, nobody was laughing at how bad it was anymore. One friend look depressed and the other one was actually mad. Do you realize how incredibly horrible a movie has to be to make people feel that way by nothing else but sheer crapiness??

There’s a video on Youtube of people talking about how great The Room is at showings. At least that’s how it’s cut together. The reason I personally never went to a screening of The Room was for fear of Tommy Wiseau actually showing up. To restrain myself from throwing the nearest blunt object would be an act of God. Seriously, I’m being drained thinking about this movie. Wiseau is so delusional in thinking that he’s as great his “character” of Johnny that he won’t even admit to what this movie is. He claimed it was a black comedy after it began to collect hateful reviews for how hilariously bad it is. I really am going to stop myself because there is no end to how bad this movie is. You have to see it for yourself but let this overview serve as a warning: If you walk into a room that has this movie playing on TV and there’s a gun on the table, you might be in one of Jigsaw’s traps. Take the gun and hope he left you a bullet.

One Response to “This Movie Suuucks: The Room”

  1. haha wow……This is pretty epic


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