Archive for April, 2012

Review: The Pirates!” Band of Misfits

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , on 04/30/2012 by Taylor

Stars: Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, David Tennant, Imelda Staunton

Rated PG for mild action, rude humor, and some language. Running time 88 minutes, Comedy/Family/Adventure

Plays like: Wallace and Gromit & the Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005), Over the Hedge (2006)

It’s not really a surprise what anyone thinks of when pirates come to mind these days. Johnny Depp, mascara, something else from The Pirates of the Caribbean. So it’s actually kind of a surprise to me that anybody would bother with a movie involving pirates at all. Nevertheless, Aardman Productions, the people behind Wallace and Gromit and Chicken Run have decided to take on this task, and they have done it well. Continue reading

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Well, Crap.

Posted in Whatever with tags , , on 04/28/2012 by Taylor

Wouldn’t ya know it, It’s Saturday and I”ve got nothing new up here. No new movies, no good movies and no sucky movies. Well, a couple friends got hitched yesterday and I’ve been involved since the beginning. It was the mind blowing role of usher and resident doormat and I was eventually told that I was actually the reason for the wedding. Crazy, right?

In any case, I hate not having anything new up and seeing as how four movies come out this week (Safe, Five Year Enagagement, The Pirates!: Band of Misfits, and The Raven), it wouldn’t be right to not do any of them, so expect a couple up soon just to be on the safe side, although I’m pretty sure two out of four will suck, one will be mediocre, and one will be pretty dang good. I’ll leave that up to you to decide which is which.

In honor of the newlyweds and zombies, here is a zombie cake. Enjoy. This cake. You can’t eat.

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This Movie SUUUCKS: The Fast and the Furious Series; Part: 1 of 2

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , , on 04/26/2012 by Taylor

Vin Diesel, you don’t look a day over 45. Oh, better look out, Johnny Tran is in your photo shoot!

I knew I wanted to do a SUUUCKS today, but I just hadn’t been able to put my finger on what exactly. The idea had been a-stewin’ in my mind for a while to do 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) but a friend suggested 2 Furious was “2” obvious (ohhhh) and that Fast Five (2011) should be chosen because it was the most recent and just sucked in a way that only a fifty-five year old Vin Diesel can suck.

Then I thought, “Well, I loved the first one in 9th grade. But I hate that one now, too! Why not do’em all?” And now you know how I came to this decision and how easily influenced I am. Continue reading

You Gotta See This: Sunshine

Posted in You've Gotta See This with tags , , , , , , on 04/25/2012 by Taylor

Stars: Cillain Murphy, Chris Evans, Rose Byrne, Cliff Curtis

Rated R for violent content and language, 2007, Thriller/Science Fiction/Drama

Compare to: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Alien (1979)

Of all the “We’ve gotta destroy something huge to save Earth” movies, Sunshine (2007) is my favorite. It takes a ridiculous story and makes it feel intriguing and credible. It gives you characters you actually don’t want to die(!). I’m under the mindset that if you have a reasonable plot and a budget that’s just big enough, you’re gonna need a heck of a cast to really drive it all home. And by a “heck of a cast,” I don’t just mean one or more A-list stars, but rather actors who have a love for the craft and not just the fame it could bring. 2003’s pillaging of my favorite comic book character Daredevil suffered from this mistake: Get a big star to cover up for the fact that this won’t be as big as Titanic. I’m not going to use any puns here and say that this movie’s cast “shines” or some garbage like that, but it is what makes the movie. Continue reading

This Movie SUUUCKS: Alien Versus Predator: Requiem

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , on 04/23/2012 by Taylor

I’ve been pretty sure that anybody who’s seen this movie hated it. If you didn’t, you should have. I myself, watched it in theaters with a friend pretty soon after it came out and laughed at it’s cheesy lines, terrible script, and overall lack of actual aliens versus predators. But it recently sprang to mind and seeing as how I’m not the same man I was some four years ago, I thought, “What the heck? It might be good for the action.”

In retrospect, I’m an idiot. This movie is even worse than I remember. Nonetheless, it made nearly 160 million dollars and some reviews actually pegged it as a “slam, bang action-thriller!” I have yet to meet anyone who really talks like that and I’m pretty sure the person who wrote it was either paid or threatened to say it. Continue reading

Zombie Soundtrack #2: Marcus

Posted in Zombie Soundtracks with tags , , , on 04/21/2012 by Taylor

Right off, how can you go wrong with Motorhead on your zombie soundtrack? The answer is that you can’t. It’s perfect.. It’s like peanut butter and jelly, or Channing Tatum and terrible acting; they just GO TOGETHER. I find Eels to be a funny choice especially for the particular theme of a zombie uprising, but it’s easy to imagine the slowed down, happy-go-lucky feeling as zombies tear through an overly colorful, Edward Scissorhands-style suburbia. -T

If you want to submit your own, read this

1. Dream Academy – Life in a Northern Town

2. Eels – Beloved Monster

3. Gheorghe Zamfir – Lonely Shephard

4. Motorhead – Ace of Spades

5. Union Underground – Turn me on Mr. Deadman
6. Iron Maiden – Wicker Man

7. ES Posthumus – Nara

8. Enigma – Silent Warrior

9. Delerium – Run for It (radio version)

Movie Review: The Raid: Redemption

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , on 04/21/2012 by Taylor

Stars: Iko Uwais, Donni Alamsyah, Ray Sahetapy, Yayan Ruhian

Rated R for Pervasive violence and language, subtitled. Running time 101 minutes, Action/Adventure

Plays like: Ong-Bak (2003), District B-13 (2004)

I remember watching Jackie Chan movies nonstop when I was a kid and thinking, “Why didn’t I hear of this before?” Now I know that a big issue with people and foreign films, regardless of how much fighting and how little dialogue is in them, can have a hard time coexisting. Because in most cases, people don’t want to read. That’s all well and fine, but it’s their fault that they’re missing out on a truly great martial arts film that’s a awesome as it is violent. Continue reading