Archive for April, 2012

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Review: The Pirates!” Band of Misfits

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , on 04/30/2012 by Taylor Holt

Stars: Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, David Tennant, Imelda Staunton

Rated PG for mild action, rude humor, and some language. Running time 88 minutes, Comedy/Family/Adventure

Plays like: Wallace and Gromit & the Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005), Over the Hedge (2006)

It’s not really a surprise what anyone thinks of when pirates come to mind these days. Johnny Depp, mascara, something else from The Pirates of the Caribbean. So it’s actually kind of a surprise to me that anybody would bother with a movie involving pirates at all. Nevertheless, Aardman Productions, the people behind Wallace and Gromit and Chicken Run have decided to take on this task, and they have done it well. Continue reading →

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Well, Crap.

Posted in Whatever with tags , , on 04/28/2012 by Taylor Holt

Wouldn’t ya know it, It’s Saturday and I”ve got nothing new up here. No new movies, no good movies and no sucky movies. Well, a couple friends got hitched yesterday and I’ve been involved since the beginning. It was the mind blowing role of usher and resident doormat and I was eventually told that I was actually the reason for the wedding. Crazy, right?

In any case, I hate not having anything new up and seeing as how four movies come out this week (Safe, Five Year Enagagement, The Pirates!: Band of Misfits, and The Raven), it wouldn’t be right to not do any of them, so expect a couple up soon just to be on the safe side, although I’m pretty sure two out of four will suck, one will be mediocre, and one will be pretty dang good. I’ll leave that up to you to decide which is which.

In honor of the newlyweds and zombies, here is a zombie cake. Enjoy. This cake. You can’t eat.

Image

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This Movie SUUUCKS: The Fast and the Furious Series; Part: 1 of 2

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , , on 04/26/2012 by Taylor Holt

Vin Diesel, you don’t look a day over 45. Oh, better look out, Johnny Tran is in your photo shoot!

I knew I wanted to do a SUUUCKS today, but I just hadn’t been able to put my finger on what exactly. The idea had been a-stewin’ in my mind for a while to do 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) but a friend suggested 2 Furious was “2” obvious (ohhhh) and that Fast Five (2011) should be chosen because it was the most recent and just sucked in a way that only a fifty-five year old Vin Diesel can suck.

Then I thought, “Well, I loved the first one in 9th grade. But I hate that one now, too! Why not do’em all?” And now you know how I came to this decision and how easily influenced I am. Continue reading →

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You Gotta See This: Sunshine

Posted in You've Gotta See This with tags , , , , , , on 04/25/2012 by Taylor Holt

Stars: Cillain Murphy, Chris Evans, Rose Byrne, Cliff Curtis

Rated R for violent content and language, 2007, Thriller/Science Fiction/Drama

Compare to: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Alien (1979)

Of all the “We’ve gotta destroy something huge to save Earth” movies, Sunshine (2007) is my favorite. It takes a ridiculous story and makes it feel intriguing and credible. It gives you characters you actually don’t want to die(!). I’m under the mindset that if you have a reasonable plot and a budget that’s just big enough, you’re gonna need a heck of a cast to really drive it all home. And by a “heck of a cast,” I don’t just mean one or more A-list stars, but rather actors who have a love for the craft and not just the fame it could bring. 2003’s pillaging of my favorite comic book character Daredevil suffered from this mistake: Get a big star to cover up for the fact that this won’t be as big as Titanic. I’m not going to use any puns here and say that this movie’s cast “shines” or some garbage like that, but it is what makes the movie. Continue reading →

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This Movie SUUUCKS: Alien Versus Predator: Requiem

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , on 04/23/2012 by Taylor Holt

I’ve been pretty sure that anybody who’s seen this movie hated it. If you didn’t, you should have. I myself, watched it in theaters with a friend pretty soon after it came out and laughed at it’s cheesy lines, terrible script, and overall lack of actual aliens versus predators. But it recently sprang to mind and seeing as how I’m not the same man I was some four years ago, I thought, “What the heck? It might be good for the action.”

In retrospect, I’m an idiot. This movie is even worse than I remember. Nonetheless, it made nearly 160 million dollars and some reviews actually pegged it as a “slam, bang action-thriller!” I have yet to meet anyone who really talks like that and I’m pretty sure the person who wrote it was either paid or threatened to say it. Continue reading →

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Zombie Soundtrack #2: Marcus

Posted in Zombie Soundtracks with tags , , , on 04/21/2012 by Taylor Holt

Right off, how can you go wrong with Motorhead on your zombie soundtrack? The answer is that you can’t. It’s perfect.. It’s like peanut butter and jelly, or Channing Tatum and terrible acting; they just GO TOGETHER. I find Eels to be a funny choice especially for the particular theme of a zombie uprising, but it’s easy to imagine the slowed down, happy-go-lucky feeling as zombies tear through an overly colorful, Edward Scissorhands-style suburbia. -T

If you want to submit your own, read this

1. Dream Academy – Life in a Northern Town

2. Eels – Beloved Monster

3. Gheorghe Zamfir – Lonely Shephard

4. Motorhead – Ace of Spades

5. Union Underground – Turn me on Mr. Deadman
6. Iron Maiden – Wicker Man

7. ES Posthumus – Nara

8. Enigma – Silent Warrior

9. Delerium – Run for It (radio version)

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Movie Review: The Raid: Redemption

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , on 04/21/2012 by Taylor Holt

Stars: Iko Uwais, Donni Alamsyah, Ray Sahetapy, Yayan Ruhian

Rated R for Pervasive violence and language, subtitled. Running time 101 minutes, Action/Adventure

Plays like: Ong-Bak (2003), District B-13 (2004)

I remember watching Jackie Chan movies nonstop when I was a kid and thinking, “Why didn’t I hear of this before?” Now I know that a big issue with people and foreign films, regardless of how much fighting and how little dialogue is in them, can have a hard time coexisting. Because in most cases, people don’t want to read. That’s all well and fine, but it’s their fault that they’re missing out on a truly great martial arts film that’s a awesome as it is violent. Continue reading →

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Movie Review: The Cabin in the Woods

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , on 04/13/2012 by Taylor Holt

Five college students are getting away for the weekend and going to one of their relative’s cabin in the woods (stop me if you’ve heard this one). Horror/slasher cliches ensue until the five decide to make their way out…which of course can’t happen. I can’t tell you anymore of the plot without giving anything away but the movie takes a horrific Truman Show-esque turn.

I love horror movies. Not all horror movies, mind you. Not all are winners, I understand. In fact, when PG-13 Horror movies come to the theater, you can guarantee your local theater employee is in a hell of their own. Underage kids flock to the movies to get a taste of the violence. They yell at characters onscreen telling them how stupid they are, and how if they were in that position, they would do the exact opposite of what the character is doing, be it fight or flight. And every character has played their part in countless films. The funny one, the innocent one, the not-so-innocent one, blah blah blah. You know the drill. Movies like the Scream quadrilogy and the Friday the 13th series have made millions off of this formula. Making fun of the age-old story while still playing into the hands of the cliches.”Why am I watching this again?” I’ve asked myself on several occasions. But evidently, so have the screenwriters of The Cabin in the Woods, who not only recognize the constantly overused plots of horror films, but do a good job of tearing them apart. Continue reading →

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Movie Review: Lockout

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , , on 04/13/2012 by Taylor Holt

Of all the names characters are given in action movies (Rambo, Snake, Dutch), I don’t think I’ve ever thought one was as cool and as stupid at the same time as Guy Pearce’s character in Lockout. Are you ready for this? Snow. Every time he was addressed I started laughing. But the way I feel about his name also accurately sums up how I feel about the film itself. It’s ridiculous, over-the-top, and full of genre cliches; but it’s fun. And that was all I was wanting out of it. Continue reading →

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Zombie Soundtrack #1: Walt

Posted in Zombie Soundtracks with tags , , on 04/07/2012 by Taylor Holt

I like this list. It wasn’t enough for him to put the songs up, but a short reasoning as well. I can dig it. Helter Skelter is a nice choice for a zombie takeover, and he’s got Deftones so I can’t not appreciate that. Give this man a hand, he also threw in some Journey. If you want to submit your own, read this. -T

Walt: I’m only using songs from my ITunes (1299 songs, not bragging or anything). So here we go.

1.  The Allman Brothers Band- Blue Sky. Going back to my roots with this one something relaxing and blissful. Good times with that special someone.

2. The Beatles- Helter Skelter. When I imagine this part, scenes from 28 week later come to mind of mindless monsters running through the streets tearing people apart. Snipers killing zombies by the bushel and not making a dent in the crisis. Its chaos, madness, terrifying.

3. Pink Floyd- Run Like Hell. I think the title speaks for itself.

4. Deftones- 7 Words. This song amps me up like no other, just what someone needs when there about to bash in zombie brains.

5. Van Halen- Panama. Because at this point you need the fun beating mindless creatures to death song.

6. Trivium- Pull Harder On the Strings of Your Martyr. Just a good song when you’re putting boot to @$$.

7. Ugly Casanova- Maybe We’re Lost. So at this point all the killing has proven to be useless, we just can’t win. We lost loved ones, and have scene horrible things. Where do we go from here?

8. Journey- Separate Ways. Alright time to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and prepare for the final battle. Do we win, lose, get torn into a million pieces? Who cares this song in AWESOME!

9. The Offspring- Gone Away. Just a good song that I think sums up the whole story.

So that’s my list. Yes some of these are cheesy, but what can I say cheesy movies are one of my guilty pleasures.

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