This Movie Suuucks: Parody Movies of the Last Decade

I was going to mock Batman & Robin simply because Dark Knight Rises comes out in a couple days, but it’s just not worth it. We all know how terrible that movie is and there’s nothing I can say to elaborate or complete it’s panning.

I truly believe no more damage can be done to Batman & Robin. No more can be said about bat nipples, blinding neon lights, Chris O’ Donnell, and definitely not “the ice ayge!” We can repeat the lines and jokes and it can still be funny, but nothing new can emerge.

What we can talk about are the pieces of garbage parodies movies of the last decade…

You know the movies I’m talking about. Scary Movie is probably to blame but ultimately, every writer is their own person and writer/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer just need to STOP. Don’t know their names? They’re the “brilliant minds” behind Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and several other rowdy dows.

...Or you could just watch America's Funniest Home Videos.

Oh, Bill. I don’t blame you.

Bad movies are just fun to laugh at because whoever the creators are are usually trying so hard to make what ends up as a brown streak of cinema that it can be entertaining in itself to see them fail. But a failing comedy is something else entirely.

I don’t mean a movie that isn’t as funny as you hoped it would be, but a movie that is so the opposite in humor that it stuns you.

Forget direct-to-DVD and send this to HELL.

Forget direct-to-DVD and send this directly to HELL.

There’s comedy in the seriousness of so many stories and how bad they actually are (The Room being the best example), but you know you’ve reached a new low when someone is trying to make fun of others and just couldn’t fit a decent joke in to save their life.

Seltzer/Friedberg could obviously writer a joke to keep their careers going but how difficult is it when your audience is made of people who think you’re making fun of things they don’t care for (300, date movies and Twilight namely, although most paying customers watching Vampires Suck actually were fans of the source material) only to get a jumbled mess. It’s like the movie has ADD or suffers from Family Guy Syndrome.

Let’s make fun of…comic book movies. Okay, so a Spider-Man-like guy is crawling on the walls. But it won’t be Spider-Man, it’ll be something hilarious like…Bug-Guy. And as he’s crawling he’s like, looking in windows because he’s a pervert, until he comes across Oprah’s husband who’s on top of a building. Bug-Guy says the guy’s name, all confused cuz he’s up there, right? He’ll be like ‘Mr. Graham? What are YOU doing up here? And the guy’s like “Have you MET MY WIFE?! Super funny, just super funny. We can end it with him falling off or something.

"Another hundred million? For me?"

*Rakes in another hundred million*

I just made that up sure, and it sucks, sure- but that’s the kind of crap that’s in these movies. I’ll be honest, I was/am kind of a fan of the first two Scary Movies (kind of) as well as the seemingly forgotten Not Another Teen Movie. Sure, they’re unnecessarily crass and involve like every movie in the genre, but at least they stay in the genre.

These others got the idea that if you put Carmen Electra in your movie and randomly throw in pop culture references about Jersey Shore, it has to do good right? People love boobs and popular stuff! As much as any one person could bash society in general on a daily basis, it does make me a little proud that even while these movies make money, I have yet to hear a positive word about basically any of them.

Other than the Twilight one of course, because denial is a powerful thing. It says something when searching for your movie on Bing has the first couple searches pop up misspelled. “Vampires suk” and “Vampire Such.” Tells you something about the fan base.

Sure, this scene is zany. But is it zany enough?

Sure, this scene is zany. But is it zany enough?

I remember the TV spot for one of these movies that had nothing to do with the title. Like in Disaster Movie. In it, Hannah Montana is crushed by a falling meteor and then tells people to “Buy my new album in stores now!”

ThenPo from Kung Fu Panda is brought in, as well as the princess from Enchanted and Iron man and Juno fighting the Sex and the City women. Are any of these movies disaster movies?

I can’t exactly say I long for the days of a parody movie that makes fun of a single movie, and maybe references to a few others; I’ve never been a huge fan altogether of parodies, but what’s funny is funny. How am I expected to laugh when one joke told by a Tom Cruise parody is finished by Shrek? And the movie is supposedly making fun of horror movies.

Once again, a made up example. I tell you this because you know these movies are so bad, this could happen in one of them. Or all of them. Throw in Kim Kardashian, and we’ve got our newest parody movie. Oh and don’t think the posters have any thought put into them.

See any recurring themes? Big, red block letters and literally just the characters standing there to have their picture taken. King Kong is on the poster for Scary Movie 4 and he wasn’t even in it.

We can all look forward to The Starving Games next year too. Based on, you guessed it, The Hunger Games. What? You don’t think that’s funny? I think it’s going to be hilarious. Anything from two of the six writers of Scary Movie! It’s no bueno when you still go off of the one decent thing you ever helped make when you’ve got your own projects that have been coming out over the years since.

Bottom line- if you’re making a comedy, MAKE IT FUNNY.

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