Archive for August, 2012

Movie Review: The Possession

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , on 08/31/2012 by Taylor

Stars: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Natasha Calis, Kyra Sedgwick, Madison Davenport, Matisyahu

Rated PG-13 for mature thematic material involving violence and disturbing sequences , Running time 92 minutes, Horror/Thriller/Supernatural

Compare to: The Unborn (2009), The Haunting in Conneticut (2009)

It’s hard to hate another PG-13 Horror movie after you’ve seen the garbage that is The Apparition , which opened last week to only 800 theaters and deserved even less than that. After watching it, I was ready for whatever would come out the following week. So here we are, one week later and now The Possession has surfaced; a movie that offers a few genuinely freaky moments with zero originality saved for a couple points of our villain’s origin.

For the sake of keeping spoilers to myself, and just because there’s not really not much to tell that you can’t figure out for yourself, I’m going to try to keep this short as I have other films where every bit of the story could be giving something away. That is, if you care to begin with. Continue reading

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Movie Review: Lawless

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , , , , on 08/29/2012 by Taylor

Stars: Tom Hardy, Shia LaBeouf, Jessica Chastain, Jason Clarke, Guy Pearce, Mia Wasikowska, and Gary Oldman

Rated R for strong bloody violence, language and some sexuality/nudity, Running time 115 minutes, Crime/Drama/Western

Compare to: Shawshank Redemption (1994), Public Enemies (2009)

It hasn’t been long since we’ve last seen Gary Oldman and Tom Hardy show up and give us something worth paying attention to. Last month’s Dark Knight Rises seems headstrong in crossing the billion dollar mark, and now just over a month later, we have Lawless; a movie not as epic in scale but rival in quality. Its message is one that parallels 300 (2007) in many ways although the aesthetics, along with everything else, couldn’t be more different.

LaBeouf, whose last mainstream role was in 2011’s Transformers: Dark of the Moon definitely takes a departure from the Hasbro trilogy’s massive explosions, punching robots, and super models and trades them all in for the simple life: mountains, moonshine, and shootouts. It is a much welcome change. Continue reading

Killing for Justice!

Posted in Whatever with tags , , , , on 08/28/2012 by Taylor

From the masterpiece, “Undefeatable.” Stingray likes his knives.

We all know how real fights go; they’re boring. They go by extremely fast before one person is knocked out and somebody breaks it up. Worst of all, by the end, someone has actually been hurt, and it might have affects that will last them the rest of their lives. Laaaaaaame.

What’s cool about the movies is that a fight can go on for as long as the writer feels it should be dragged out, so punches can last forever. In the same amount of time it takes for the female heroine to make it to the military base, get past all the guards, bypass the security mainframes, upload the antivirus to ensure the world doesn’t die by turning into diseased mutant pigs, her male hero counterpart has just been punching the lead villain the entire time. EVERY. SINGLE. PUNCH. LANDING. IN. THEIR. FACE.

It makes me think the writers have never been in a fight, but rather think of the human body as being an unbreakable death machine meant to take as much damage and punishment as the antagonists care to bring on them. How are these characters able to endure such abuse? Keep reading. Continue reading

Movie Review: The Apparition

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , on 08/25/2012 by Taylor

Stars: Ashley Greene, Sebastian Stan, Tom Felton

Rated PG-13 for terror/frightening images and some sensuality, Running time 82 minutes, Horror/Thriller

Compare to: Soul Survivors (2000), Pulse (2006)

The Ring. The Grudge. The Eye. The Return. The Messengers. The Unborn. The Uninvited. Do you see where I’m going with this? With the exception of The Ring (and I can’t speak for the sequel), all of these movies have just about everything in common, and none of those similarities are good. So now we have The Apparition. They have tired themselves out of the words to place after “the” and now just put what it is. Next, we’ll be seeing The Ghostand probably “The Demon.” “the huh” could work too, don’t bother with punctuation.

The Apparition may be the laziest movie I’ve seen since I really don’t know when. The entire duration feels like how the first thirty minutes of the ones listed above felt. Boring, and plodding along to get to the parts that make you jump. The difference with this one is that it never gets to the parts that even might make you jump. Keep reading if you want to know about true terror in the form of blandness. Continue reading

Movie Review: Premium Rush

Posted in Reviews! with tags , , , , , , on 08/25/2012 by Taylor

Stars: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Dania Ramirez, Michael Shannon, Wole Parks, Jamie Chung

Rated PG-13 for some violence, intense action sequences and language, Running time 91 minutes, Action/Thriller

Compare to: Cellular (2004), 16 Blocks (2006)

I’ve go to admit, I hadn’t heard of this one until about a month ago and didn’t realize it was coming out until a few days ago. That being said, I was still interested despite the premise being about “a guy who rides a bike.” As far as this movie’s concerned, that’s as simplistic a statement as just saying Bobby Fischer played chess.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt just knows how to pick roles and this movie is no exception. It’s fast, funny, exciting, and being that theaters will be slow this weekend, it doesn’t waste your time. I can’t say for certain whether or not this is even going to make any money, though I do think it deserves any attention it will get, if not more. Continue reading

Slow Day, Playaz

Posted in Whatever with tags , , , , , , on 08/24/2012 by Taylor

If you can’t tell, I’ve once again failed as a reviewer. As a writer, oh I’m amazing, sure. But a reviewer, I’ll let you down every time. Something friends, family, and most of all, my dad has had to learn the hard way. What can I say, I’m a free spirit.

Kind of like how this Bison used to be.

In any case, I’m still going to be reviewing Premium Rush and the sure-to-be-a-waste-of-time The Apparition, it’s just taking me longer than usual. Can you tell I’m a little skeptical of the second one? I can’t help it, PG-13 Horror is just about the lamest, greediest type of movie that can be made other than say, Twilight. Both of which happen to feature Ashley Greene so I guess you could say her track record is a big fat smear. Hey, she’s making money at least.

Now if we want to talk about quality in movies, look no further than Tommy Wiseau’s The Room. Below is the famous clip Oh Hi Mark in animated form. Its rendering perfectly captures Wiseau’s subtle yet painful emoting of Johnny; a man getting closer and closer to the edge. And Mark? Well, he’s just up there thinkin’, y’know?

Check back in tomorrow.

My Favorite Search Terms People Have Used to Find This Site

Posted in Whatever with tags , , , , , on 08/23/2012 by Taylor

Not being the most well known of blogs (I’m gettin’ there, I’m gettin’ there…), I find myself overwhelmed with giddy joy when someone has come to my site by actually searching for it via search engine. I mean…I’m not like, surprised or anything…I’m just sayin’…It’s cool when someone directly seeks out my site. I also hate the word “blog” and “giddy.”

I know that they do this because I’m shown the search terms. It’s useful to know what people were originally looking for when they found my own personal corner of this big ol’ internet. So while I can get instant gratification knowing that someone was looking for my writing, I also achieve instantaneous enjoyment/confusion/fear from some of the other weird things people are looking for.

A couple more common topics people find zombiesruin by is from searching Batman or Dark Knight, which I’ve posted so many articles about in the past couple months I should just give him a category of his own. Another popular one is Master of Disguise Turtle which would lead you here. But those aren’t as fun.

Below are some of the standouts. All spelling is how the anonymous submitters typed.

Continue reading