Vampires, Werewolves, Superpowers.

I sometimes think it’d be awesome to be a vampire. This isn’t a common occurrence because I’ve got things to do like socialize and keep my girlfriend, but the thought, or a similar one, crosses my mind from time to time. It wouldn’t be too bad to be immortal. If you mean in the Highlander sense, there are almost no downsides to never dying, but if we keep in line with mostly vampires, you’ve got to constantly feed on other people. I find it a little bizarre and frankly annoying when hypothetical situations like this pop up and the person I’m talking to wants to give the impression that they would have no problem murdering other people. Shut up, yes you would.

“No, I really wouldn’t! I’m a stone-cold killer, honest to goodness.”

I’m not saying I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but the idea of making a deal for superpowers (basically) like that would be tempting if I had to take a few lives in the process. Bad ones, of course. What’s a “bad” person you ask? Uhhh…serial killers and bank robbers I guess. If you’re asking what powers you get in return for having to kill people and drink their blood occasionally, consider the following:

  • Never die of age or any other human weaknesses
  • Super speed/strength
  • Turn into a wolf or a bat or something
  • Super sex appeal (for luring prey, duh)
  • Animal senses, wussup
  • Limited flight? It depends on what you’re reading.

So if you can’t tell, I’m more into the monster side of vampire fiction. Movies like Let the Right One In and even Fright Night are more appealing to me due to the fact that no matter how cool or endearing the vampires may be in them, at the end of the day, they’re monsters who eat others so they can continue living. But in this article, the allure of being a vampire at all goes out the window if we ask if you want to be a soulless beast so we’ll stick closer to the average weirdo’s favored mythology; the sexy beast vampire. Also, to the guys- being a sexy beast doesn’t mean you have to look all gay. I know that this would also take the fun out of the question.

So would you do it? I know this guy would.



…but who cares, he doesn’t actually eat people. Man, that video is hard to watch. This guy actually goes on TV and talks about being a vampire without cracking up in mid-sentence. He keeps a straight face as he talks about how he needs to drink other people’s blood to live. Also, his girlfriend is like half a foot taller than him. Just saying. Anyway.

Werewolves are also an interesting idea, if we’re keeping in line with the more popular traits.

  • Turn into an awesome man-wolf

At the point that you turn into a wolf (all wolf in some stories, wolf-man in others), ignorance is bliss again and you can’t claim responsibility for all the crazy things you do. Running free, killing livestock, heightened physicality. I imagine you might end up harming a person at one point or another if you’re not directly targeting helpless old women to begin with but man, does all the other stuff sound therapeutic. I’ve been more interested in the idea of being a werewolf ever since I was young. After seeing The Wolfman (1941) and wishing I could have those cool hind legs he has, namely. They wouldn’t really do much good if you’re not on all fours and if your arms aren’t built for that. Then you’re just screwed all together but hey, it’s cool.

I actually really dug the werewolves in Van Helsing (2004) even though the rest of the movie sucked. A massive Wolf/man/gorilla thing that is nearly unstoppable with super animal powers and whatnot. I think I’d take those abilities. Over vampire even? Sure. Who wants to live forever anyway?

Come on! You want to BE that!


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