Zombies Ruin Everything

Looking for a brilliant film to impress all of your friends with your knowledge of quirky indie movies? Want to make an impression with the ladies on campus by showing you have an artistic, sensitive side? Want to see what it looks like if cancer itself were able to make a film?

If you answered ‘no’ to the first two questions, and ‘yes’ to the third, then “The Room” is for you.

No, the movie’s not here, you idiot. I’m just typing them.

Johnny- ENFJ

Isn’t Johnny just the perfect guy? That’s what ENFJs are! He laves Lisa and always has rowses foar his baybe. He’s definitely leading with Extraverted Feeling because of this. He wears his emotions on his sleeves and loves helping. He’s just the greatest!

He must be an Intuitive because he comes up with plans, like recording Lisa to hear if she says anything about him and while some of you may thing he’s an on-the-fly perceiver, (Hey, evrybudy eye hav an importint unnouncemint to mayke- we’re expackting!”) Johnny’s got a stable life and wants to get married and live a stable life making him a judger.

ENFJs are known to be a bit smothering, as Johnny is, treating Lisa like a princess only to have her stab him in the back. They’ll also sweep things under the rug and pretend their problems don’t exist as Johnny does. He want to believe that Lisa is faithful even though we know she’s a cheating, soul sucking succubus. That was so messed up, what happened, Johnny. You deserved better.

Rest in Piece, Johnny. 1928-2003

Lisa- ESFP

Oh. Lisa. Lisa doesn’t want to be Johnny anymore. Why, Lisa? Why Lisa, WHY?! Because she’s an ESFP, that’s why. ESFP women are all about the fun side of life and don’t want to be tied down by anything they consider to be strenuous. And being in a relationship with the perfect guy like Johnny will put pressure on a woman.  I mean, he’s just so perfect. He does everything for her.

Yet she still had to have Mark. What can she say? She didn’t want Johnny anymore. ESFPs will often act out in strange ways or make particularly coarse decisions when stressed, which would explain Lisa’s cheating even after JOHNNY DID EVERYTHING FOR HER.

Still, ESFPs know how to have a good time and can pretty generous, as Lisa is shown to have thought of everything by ordering a pizza for Johnny when he gets home from work. And after that, drinks! Johnny says he doesn’t ever drink but whatever it is Lisa gives him is good enough to get drunk off of. Could it be Lisa’s winning personality that got him so “wayystid?” Probably. ESFPs know how to have a good time.

Mark- ISFP

That FOOTBALL…

ISFPs are known to be relaxed and naturalistic in their approach to just about everything…including stealing your BEST FRIEND’S SLUTTY FIANCE. Mark’s “I’m really busy” attitude as he sits in traffic and does nothing is just SO convenient as he immediately comes right over afterward.

ISFPs share the Artisan gene of being beautiful everywhere and being wanted by everyone. Mark fits this and there’s not stereotyping at all. I mean, look at what happens when he shaves.

It’s just like an ISFP to not be able to make up their mind either. He’s with Lisa, then he says he can’t do it anymore, after all the “doing” is done. He’s not with Lisa, he comes over to get it on. What gives Mark? And after all the damage is done and Johnny’s brains are all over the wall and his blood is coagulating under his head, Lisa says to Mark “I still have you.” To which Mark responds with “You don’t have me. You’ll NEVER have me.” Make up your mind, Mark! And then call an ambulance to clean up Johnny’s brain juices.

Mark’s attitude is even an ISFP attitude- surfer guy. The dude always looks stoned and like he may fall asleep at any moment. ISFPs are thought to be the type most in-tune with their environment which creates a laid-back personality any woman would have a hard time ignoring.

ESPECIALLY NOT THAT TWO-TIMING WHORE, LISA!

Man, the TENSION. THE TENSION EHRMERGHERD

Denny- INTJ

You didn’t see this coming, did you? Yet somebody beautifully orchestrated this whole thing, didn’t they? The affair. The fights. The suicide. Denny is there the entire time. Popping his massive head in and out of the room(s).

Ever see The Usual Suspects? I didn’t, but I know how it ends.

If we’d been allowed an extra scene at the end, I guarantee it would’ve involved Denny straightening up, speaking clearly and riding off into the sunset, smiling- Keyser Soze style. Mission accomplished.

INTJs are known to work behind the scenes, pulling the strings on every puppet in their show. If Denny couldn’t have Lisa- nobody would. And what do you know? By the end of the movie, Johnny’s dead. Mark doesn’t want Lisa. The only person she can turn to…is Denny.

Victory. At ANY cost.

Claudette- ESFJ

“Ugh, shut your mouth, mom! Shut it MORE!”

If it’s mom- it’s ESFJ. Nag, nag, nag, am I right guys? Am I right? I’m right. Claudette is focused on what she thinks her daughter needs than anything the cheating skank Lisa wants. Claudette would control her daughter with a joystick if it were possible It’s what ESFJs do, and for the unhealthy ones, it’s how they show their love- by controlling.

ESFJs will often focus on aspects of others lives that really shouldn’t matter. Like what others think of them and need a lot of reinforcement to feel better about themselves; something Claudette does from the time she comes over to the time that she leaves.

IN LISA’S FACE!

She even criticizes Denny without even knowing who he is. If she knew any better, she’d keep her old mouth shut. Denny could drop her like a sack of potatoes and would have if his master plan hadn’t already been set in motion.

Mike and Michelle- ENTP and ENTJ

Ohhh, bet you didn’t even know these characters had names, did you? Well, they do. These two wacky characters are the culmination of a brilliant mind that knew smart audiences want smart characters. And these characters are SAMRT, lemme tell you.

Michelle is the one pushing for some sort of break up isn’t she? Just like an ENTJ to control someone’s life, putting them in situations they otherwise wouldn’t want to be in but the ENTJ has a way of manipulating other types don’t see until it’s too late. The evil mastermind shifting through the battlefield to be KINGED, like in checkers.

and Mike?

Dude’s got some hi-LARIOUS stories and you know who else does that (tell crazy stories, I mean)? Oh yeah. That’s right- the Inventor type. ENTPs get themselves in wuh-wuh-wacky scenarios that leave others scratching their heads wondering how they made it out of that mess!

Honestly, I could drag this out but I’m done with this guy. Man, this guy sucked.

Chris-R- ESTP

Yo, what other type would go all the way through someone’s apartment building to get to a retarded kid that doesn’t live their either just so he can get his money that he (for some reason) lent out to that same retarded kid? ESTP, baby. The Conquerer. It’s clear that Chris are don’t care about consequences, just like an ESTP to only play by their own rules. That man was packin’ just in case he needed to cap a handicapped kid, but can you blame him? Denny’s one slick fool.

Look at those muscles. ESTPs are known to care about their looks, understanding that appearances make an impression on people.

ESTPs are also known to stick other people’s rules up the rule makers’ BUTTS when they don’t agree with what they’ve been told. Seriously. They will turn a person around, bend them over, spread their buttcheeks, and shove RULES up another person’s anus. They just roll like that.

Too bad for Chris-R that he didn’t bring a back up plan (such an ESTP) for an ENFJ and an ISFP sucker-grabbing him and dragging him all the way to the jail 18 seconds away. Take that, crime!

Peter- INFJ

Psychiatrist. Confidante. Friend. Clearly, this guy knows his stuff. Psychiatry, friendships. Peter’s good at getting to the heart of the matter in any conversation he has. He wears glasses, which means he’s smart and he looks like David Wain which means he’s a nerd which also means he’s smart.

INFJs are nerds too, but in a hippie sort of way. They love people and want to know what they’re thinking and more importantly- how they’re feeling. Because they’re feelers, you get it? Do you understand yet that the therapist or whatever he is likes people? Okay good.

Steven- ENFP

This is the only clip of this man I could find. He doesn’t show up until the party scene at the end and when he does, man does he arrive. He immediately interjects at every opportunity he gets, much like ENFPs do. “I feel like I’m sitting on an atomic bomb!” he says when he finds out that Lisa and Mark are having an affair although we didn’t know he existed until two minutes earlier.

ENFPs have a way of getting involved in problems that aren’t their business yet wanting so earnestly to help out that they never think that they’re help isn’t wanted. Just ask Michael Scott!

Okay, I’m done.

This entry was posted on 10/07/2013 at 11:54 am and is filed under MBTI Artisans, MBTI Guardians, MBTI Idealists, MBTI Rationals, MBTI Stuff with tags mbti in fiction, the room, tommy wiseau, who would actually look for this. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.