Zombies Ruin Everything

I’ve got a special place in my heart for talking animals. The idea that my dog, who does not in any way share the same body as me would be able to function the same way that I do, only with her animal parts? Hilarious! Eddie Murphy and Rex Harrison know what I’m talking about.

And you would think Disney would too. For all of their billion dollar cartoons, I have yet to see a horse be treated as an equal anthropomorphic beast. I am repulsed.

As of 2014, Disney has produced 54 animated features and of those features, like frikkin HALF of them feature talking animals but like of those movies with talking animals, ALMOST NONE OF THEM have horses that talk. Except one but I’m want to talk to about it. WHY NOT???????

Sleeping Beauty, 101 Dalmatians, Beauty and the Beast, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, Tangled, Brave, Frozen. THEY MAKE ME SICK TO MY STOMACH.

This horse is BIG and would be PERFECT for talking.

Dreamworks doesn’t have NEARLY as many animated movies to their name but they already have SPIRIT: Stallion of the Cinnamon!!! And MATT DAMON did the voice! Yah so all the other cast guys are old white men and that movie was boring and couldn’t finish watching it on Youtube but it still had a talking horse in it.

Frozen and Tangled both had horses in it that didn’t talk even though there was a talking snow man in it. Why couldn’t magic be used to make the horse talk too? Those movies are huge and it would have been major exposure for animated talking horses everywhere. But no, we just want the horse to LAUGH sometimes and chortle. HOW CAN A HORSE LAUGH  BUT NOT TALK??!?!?

Yes, chortle is a word. Look it up with your precious INTERNET.

And you know where else those horses have been found with Disney? In the 90s with Hercules and Mulan. Pegasus has wings and interacts with Greek gods and stuff but like, why can’t he talk? Mulan’s horse was cool and everything when they rode into battle but where’s the communication?? He would have been much cooler to talk to than Eddie Murphy dragon.

Ya he looks tough but what good is he if he can’t talk?

There is ONE talking horse in The Aristocats but that came out FOREVER AGO.

And YES. I KNOW. There is a movie Disney has called Home on the Range and it has a talking horse in it so you think that my point is invalid except the thing is is that’s not because THAT MOVIE SUCKED.

Did you finish that? I bet you didn’t even START it because you knew it would be horrible. IT IS and that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You need to listen better.

Cuba Gooding Jr voices a horse named Buck that talks finally in 2004 but it’s like so racist the way that they do it. You can watch it for 2.99 on Youtube except they should be paying you cuz you’re giving them over an hour of your life to them and you can get money back but NOT your time. That was another one that was free a year ago but I had to stop watching it because I was throwing up in my mouth and then on the floor.

I think they knew they totally effed up because the movie didn’t do good like Disney movies always do and I bet some intern was kicked in the head for not doing his job better and because I hear Disney abuses people when their leaders get mad.

Thanks for offering free services that aren’t ACTUALLY free Youtube who ALSO SUCKS.

So WHY won’t they let a horse talk? They have big necks that are perfect for fake vocal boxes. In that Robin Hood movie there were animals frikkin EVERYWHERE and they even wore PANTS but there weren’t any horses.

How many number of horse are there here? I count NONE.

I bet if those Furry people were in charge at Disney they would have talking horses, bonobos, apricots and a bunch of other monkeys talking on top of a talking horse. But then the Furry people would probably make them all have sex too cuz they’re pervs.

People say that I don’t talk about important things but look you can see that I actually do. Big Hero 6 came out and it had robots in it but no talking horses again. PLEASE DISNEY just do this for me. WAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH HORSES, WALT??? ANSWER THE QUESTION.

And NO, Buttercup the Unicorn from Toy Story 3 doesn’t count because he’s a UNICORN.

This entry was posted on 12/04/2014 at 4:03 am and is filed under Whatever with tags Animated Horses, disney, Movies with talking animals. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.