Zombies Ruin Everything

Article written in part by Josh. Guy knows his animals.

*Additional animals posted on 4/14/15

Everybody loves animals except people who don’t. With that in mind, I’ve seen a lot of charts and articles relating MBTI types to specific animals. They’re good at times but something is missing from them. And that something is the Zombies Ruin Everything touch.

If there’s one thing better than  know MBTI, it’s movies. If it’s not movies, it’s music. If it’s not that, then somewhere down the line is animals which is how we’ve reached this point in my post. Now that the intro is out of the way, let’s get to it.

One thing to remember about these MBTI animals is that it’s meant to be the representation of the type, not you personally.

While your type is a representation of you, you might not think the animal here is accurate. So even though you’re an ESFJ guy, you may think “What? No! I’m a 6’2, 200lb Marine! I’m a bear! I’m not a rabbit!” that might be more accurate; you know yourself and I probably don’t. But these are generalities of type, not tailored to you. I don’t know your life! And more importantly, I don’t know your physical stats so I didn’t go by that.

Guardians (SJ)

ESFJ- Rabbit

Other ESFJ animals: Gazelle, Labrador Retriever

Never one to do well in a confrontation, ESFJs are either going to stomp someone down immediately or recognize that they can’t and run away. There’s no shame in living to see another day! ESFJ females will openly tell you this while ESFJ males won’t but everybody (including them) knows it’s true. Generally though, people will like the ESFJ too much to want to cause them any harm. Unless they’re talking about their ESFJ mother, who I’ve found everybody online hates apparently.

The rabbit is similar to the ESFJ in that they do what they do, they have their family units they work within and they run from everything else that they sense could possibly do them any damage. Social animals like the ESFJ, rabbits are known for their reproductive prowess for a reason and breed as often as possible…because only 15% of rabbits born in a litter make it to their first birthday.

ISFJ- Deer

Other ISFJ animals: Swan, Painted Dog

You know why we did it this way. Deer don’t want to get in your way, they don’t want to hurt you or mess with you or even steal your food like some of the animals on the list. Come to think of it, if a deer shows up at your place and wants some food, you’d probably want to hang out with them because it’s so unlikely to happen.

ISFJs are the same in the sense that they’re just trying to get along in life without any trouble. The first sign will have them retreating somewhere that isn’t where you are. And at the same time, if you get a deer on it’s own territory, it can beat you to death with it’s hooves or give you a strong kick. The ISFJ themselves is a pretty timid creature but don’t mind occasionally spouting off like they see, being almost too cold in their view of things they have a disdain for.

ESTJ- German Shepherd

Other ESTJ animals: Hippopotamus, Bighorn Sheep

Loyal yet vicious, the German Shepherd is a dog you want on your side. It’s no wonder law enforcement uses these suckers to sniff out bombs and criminals. Yet if you happen to interact with one that isn’t a cop, they’re really playful. As in overly playful. Like their “Fun” gauge is broken and now there’s no limit to how loud and rambunctious they’re going to be.

Work hard, play hard really would be an ESTJ motto. And wherever it came from, they probably had an ESTJ in mind. While they take their work seriously, they’ll take the games just as seriously. Be it sports, sports, or sports, ESTJs excel in whatever field they go into- be it for their lives or for the week.

But seriously, watch out. ESTJs and German Shepherds don’t take no lip.

ISTJ- Horse

Other ISTJ animals: Wildebeest, Gorilla

You know why we picked this. Sure you can put a saddle on them and ride’em around but that doesn’t mean they’ll always listen.

There are wild ones and there are tamed ones, and as common as they are, you’ve got to appreciate what they can do once you’re up close. ISTJs are hard workers or they’re adept at being really lazy but they’ll take either very seriously. Also one of the most stressed of all types, horses themselves cannot sleep more than three hours a day, with fifteen minute intervals throughout the rest of the day.

Not due to stress mind you, but it does remind me of the restless way that so many ISTJs approach life- either do the job until it kills you or don’t invest in it at all.

Artisans (SP)

ESFP- Fox

Other ESFP animals: Marmoset, Black Bear

Smart little critters, the fox survives by any means necessary, which could just mean getting into the hen house. That’s a stereotype of foxes that’s been around for so long, it’s easy to forget that they’ll actually do that. As annoying as it must be for the farmers, we can awe in how clever a way it is to get a buffet a food for an animal that might otherwise have to scrounge around for something less filling.

The ESFP gets through life in a similar manner. There’s nothing wrong with taking some shortcuts if the destination is all the same anyway right? The fox can get through man made structures, the ESFP has got to do…whatever it has to do to survive.

ISFP- Caracal

Other ISFP animals: Ermine, Cheetah

Not to be confused with a caracol, caracals are solitary little creatures you don’t want to disturb but can’t help but want to know more about them. They’re small but dexterous with tufts of fur at the top of their ears that help them stand out among the other wild cats but that’s if you hear about them in the first place. Compared to lions, cheetahs and tigers, caracals don’t really get the same amount of air on the Discovery Channel.

But the ISFP and the caracal go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise all the same. Yeah, I eat that together, what’s the big deal? ISFPs are lazy creatures as well, only getting out into the rest of the world if they’re working or having fun. But past that, they live solitary lives as the caracal does; near asleep one moment, ready to pounce the next.

ESTP- Wolf

Other ESTP animals: Lion, Tasmanian Devil

Pack animals of course, the wolf is social but only in the most progressive sense. It’s not like they’re just hanging out because they’re lonely, they’ve got food to hunt and strength in numbers is their style.

While ESTPs aren’t always found in big groups of the same type, they do recognize the need for utility in social groups and attack life with tenacity few other types can equal. An interesting thing about wolves is that their attacking methods changes greatly depending on the animal it’s after. For ESTPs, their approach to people are similar. Talking to a person, knowing what they want, reading them well enough to know how to treat them. Maybe a wolf attacking isn’t the best way to describe an ESTP because it makes them sound like creeps. Point is, ESTPs know how to adapt to their surroundings.

ISTP- Jaguar

Other ISTP animals: Tiger, Honey Badger

Kings in their own right, the jaguar is a solitary animal as most cats are. Preferring to be left alone, the jaguar sulks through the jungle with no natural predators. Like the ISTP in a way, because nobody cares to mess with them. They’re too laid back and actually sleep as much as eighteen hours a day. The jaguar, not the ISTP. Though the ISTPs reading this are probably jealous of the jaguar for that reason.

One unique about jaguars is that Aztecs and Mayans used them as a symbol of warriors. ISTPs aren’t always warriors per se, but their attitude of only acting when necessary and in the most efficient way possible makes it easy to see a connection between them. Oh, and as was mentioned- jaguars are lazy mofos.

Idealists (NF)

ENFJ- Dolphin

Other ENFJ animals: Elephant, Orangutan

Friend to all, you can’t really find anybody that doesn’t like a dolphin. If you haven’t had the pleasure of interacting with a dolphin, you don’t know what you’re missing. ENFJs themselves are one of, if not the easiest type to get along with because that’s their whole mission in life- to get along with everybody.

Dolphins are thought to be some of the smartest animals on the planet and though intelligence isn’t particularly associated with NFs, it’s not as though there’s only one type of intelligence and as far as emotional intelligence goes, ENFJs are naturally among the most gifted. They’ve also been known to keep people safe who are lost at sea, protecting them from sharks and other predators. ENFJs, society’s heroes, wussup.

INFP- Penguin

Other INFP animals: Platypus, Chameleon

An strange little bird that doesn’t really fit in anywhere else in the animal kingdom aside from it’s natural habitat, penguins go from doing their own thing out in the wild and in captivity, but nothing in between. Some animals might migrate, most of all, the penguins fellow birds, but penguins have to stay in areas that fit them rather than finding their own place.

This relates to the INFP in the weird little ways they differentiate from their bird brothers. Being one of the only birds that can’t fly, you’ll never meet an INFP that feels as though they perfectly fit into their environment. Always feeling on the outs, other types might even agree that INFPs belong best wherever they are because they don’t really belong anywhere except for the quiet little spaces in their head. Edgar Allen Poe, Tim Burton, and Kurt Cobain might agree. Except two of them are dead.

ENFP- Otter

Other ENFP animals: Pig, squirrel

“Playful” is the key word here. There ain’t nobody that plays like an otter. Sure, you would limit the time you spent around them because their energy is overwhelming but there’s nobody that dislikes them. Oh, did that sound like I was talking about the ENFP? You win, I was. ENFPs are the ultimate people people so it’s no wonder Keirsey referred to them as “Champions” as in, champions of humanity. Quite the title.

And while otters aren’t necessarily the face of the animal kingdom, they’ve got their place. It’s thought that otters lived mostly in the water but they actually spend more time on land. Interesting facts like this are what make the otter a good choice for ENFP, living out their lives in a “grass is greener” scenario. Not being able to make up their minds, ENFPs don’t really see a reason to, why wouldn’t they live out every scenario in life that can hold their interest.

INFJ- Narwhal

Other INFJ animals: Okapi, Red Panda

With the Narwhal being called the unicorn of the ocean, you wouldn’t really need to guess why and some even think Narwhal tusks washing on shore are what started the legend of the mythical horse. Is that why it was chosen for the INFJ? Partly. But also because there just isn’t an animal on the planet like it. You can compare animals to it; the Narwhal has similarities to many other whales of course.

But no other animal has a seven to ten foot tusk jutting from their face. INFJs themselves are similar to ISFJs in appearance but they are the rarest type and when you get to know one, you’ll see how. The sounds a narwhal can actually make a human go deaf(!). I can’t help but think of the INFJ’s way of looking at the world and how people tend to hear it. It’s too much for everybody else, but that’s just how the INFJ sees it.

Rationals (NT)

INTP- Owl

Other INTP animals: Bat, Giant Pacific Octopus

Though Keirsey saw them as the representative of all NT types, Owls, their habits, and mythological intellect just fit right in with the INTP weirdness. Nocturnal birds, you wouldn’t want to mess with an INTP in their natural habitat, but mostly they’re going to be hiding away from the world anyway.

They’re not the jungle cat that goes around looking for a fight, but the night bird that creeps you out unintentionally, gets their food quickly and goes back to keep itself hidden from the world. Don’t argue with this one people.

ENTP- Crow

Other ENTP animals: Raccoon, Hyena

Surprisingly systematic, crows are the type of bird to repulse you or impress you. With the strange way of being able to figure out tricks around obstacles not normally found in nature, like untying this guy’s shoes so he sets down the crow’s object of desire, people are just as likely to avoid them and their never ending love of roadkill because, c’mon, eating a smashed up armadillo is weird.

Problem solvers as well, ENTPs come in all shapes and sizes like any type can. Crows are a good fit for the ENTP in that they’re as interesting as they are strange. Crows are also adaptable to their environment as easy a target as they can be for bigger birds, they also don’t mind “mobbing” a bigger bird out of the area. And even if the bird doesn’t go away, they’ll have to leave because their cover has been blown.

ENTJ- Eagle

Other ENTJ animals: Great White Shark, Komodo Dragon

It’s so obvious amirite? The big bad boss of the birds and Murca’s mascot, it only seems right to associate them with the Field Marshall. Eagles, specifically bald ones have wingspans of seven feet across and have been known to get even bigger.

How do giant wings fit in with an ENTJ personality? Have you ever met an ENTJ? The wings of an eagle is like the ego of an ENTJ. Wherever they go, they spread their wings. Being of such a powerful build, it’s no wonder people look to eagles are symbols of hope and strength. ENTJs can do the same in leadership and when you know them, you don’t really need to question why even if you don’t like them.

Evidently, an eagle can lay two eggs and the older sibling will usually kill it’s younger sibling with the adults allowing it to happen. They’re like the Spartans of birds.

INTJ- Vulture

Other INTJ animals: Bushmaster, Angler Fish

Long range birds of prey, we all know the same facts about these birds- they circle you when they sense that you’re going to die. That alone is enough to give anybody a bad reputation but they don’t kill you themselves right? They wait for nature to take it’s course.

The vulture fits the INTJ in that as natural as INTJs act to themselves and to other animals that just know how the vulture works, to most people this type will be an oddball even at their nicest. Taking pleasure in the simple things that we’ll never know about because they’re by themselves 85% of their life, the INTJ does things the way they want to and damn the repercussions of being society’s weirdos!

Fun fact, Black Vultures regurgitate when confronted by an enemy. Somehow this still fits with INTJ to me…

This entry was posted on 04/11/2015 at 10:44 am and is filed under MBTI Artisans, MBTI Guardians, MBTI Idealists, MBTI Rationals, MBTI Stuff, MBTI Whatever with tags enfj, enfp, entj, entp, esfj, esfp, estj, ESTP, infj, infp, intj, intp, isfj, isfp, istj, istp, mbti animals, mbti in fiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.