Archive for this movie suuucks

This Movie SUUUCKS: Master of Disguise

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , on 06/03/2012 by Taylor Holt

If you happen to be a regular visitor of this site (chances are slim) and you’ve noticed that lately, I’ve just come off as lazy, well, sorry. I’ve had what looks like early signs of a hernia and dang it, I’m doing what I can to correct it. Work with me here. A friend suggested that bashing a movie I hate would make me feel better and ya know what? I think he was right.

So the perfect movie to roast would have to be Master of Disguise (2002). Why is this the perfect movie? Because much like my possible hernia, it pains me to rip on this movie because I actually like it. Pain and rip are the only thing that had to do with my hernia, not liking it. So it pains me to make fun of a movie I’m making fun of so I will feel better.

Does that make sense? Continue reading

This Movie Suuucks: The Covenant

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , on 05/21/2012 by Taylor Holt

In dishonor of Hollywood’s recent attempts at shoving Taylor Kitsch (John Carter, Battleship) in our face, I’m going to heckle The Covenant. I have hated this movie ever since I saw it in theaters in the summer of ’06. I remember it well because I was actually paying for movies then which made it a complete waste of my time and money. Continue reading

This Movie SUUUCKS: Cool as Ice

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , on 05/12/2012 by Taylor Holt

I bet out of all the things you were going to do today, reading anything about Vanilla Ice’s 1991 tragedy, Cool as Ice was not on that list. Well, you’re in it now, buddy. Cool as Ice is one of those vehicle movies that is meant to capitalize on a musician’s current fame. The musician in this case, of course, is Vanilla Ice and I do use “musician” loosely. Eminem did this with 8 Mile (2002) while 50 Cent was in Get Rich or Die Trying (2005). Continue reading

This Movie SUUUCKS: Alien Versus Predator: Requiem

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , on 04/23/2012 by Taylor Holt

I’ve been pretty sure that anybody who’s seen this movie hated it. If you didn’t, you should have. I myself, watched it in theaters with a friend pretty soon after it came out and laughed at it’s cheesy lines, terrible script, and overall lack of actual aliens versus predators. But it recently sprang to mind and seeing as how I’m not the same man I was some four years ago, I thought, “What the heck? It might be good for the action.”

In retrospect, I’m an idiot. This movie is even worse than I remember. Nonetheless, it made nearly 160 million dollars and some reviews actually pegged it as a “slam, bang action-thriller!” I have yet to meet anyone who really talks like that and I’m pretty sure the person who wrote it was either paid or threatened to say it. Continue reading

This Movie Suuucks: Legion

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , on 04/07/2012 by Taylor Holt

I was surprised to find out a few people I know actually like this movie. Not because people can’t have their own taste and opinions: but because it’s just so freaking bad. When I watched it, I thought of it more as a test to see how similar it was to an idea I’d previously had for a story.

After watching it, I realized it was nothing like the idea I’d thought of because I didn’t have plot holes big enough for everyone to see straight through, which is the biggest problem with this movie. The second biggest problem, is everything else. Continue reading

This Movie Suuucks: Half Past Dead

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , on 03/31/2012 by Taylor Holt

Sometimes when I write about movies like this, I feel the need to throw out some sort of disclaimer at the beginning. Like, “I know most superhero movies suck, so this will be the only one for a while.” Or “It goes without saying that Eddie Murphy movies suck, so don’t expect to see too many.” It’s the opposite with Korean movies; there are so many good ones, I don’t want this to become a fansite solely for them.

This is not the case with Steven Seagal. The former is the case with Steven Seagal, so don’t expect to see too many of his movies on here, because whether you like him or not, his movies (definitely the more recent ones) just suck. Continue reading

This Movie Suuucks: Paycheck

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , , on 03/24/2012 by Taylor Holt

Okay, first off, does anybody even remember this movie? It sucks pretty bad, but as I sit down to type this, I wonder how many people will even know what this is. It sucked then and it’s almost a decade old. Who remembers movies from a decade ago? Either way, I’ve already made up my mind, so oh yeah- this is happening. Continue reading

This Movie Suuucks: Spider-Man 2

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , on 03/09/2012 by Taylor Holt

I’m looking at you, wall.

I have to do it. I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m sorry. But this movie sucks. It hurts to say. On June 30, 2004, you can bet I was in line to watch this. On that same day, you can bet that not only did I watch it, but I also loved it. I compared it to the first one over and over again in my mind, trying to decide which was better.

Did I buy it the day it came out and have I watched it countless times since? Yep and yep. But the feeling’s been growing… And a couple weeks ago when I put it in the DVD player, hoping to get the same feeling as slipping on some old, broken-in shoes, what I got was something entirely different…and sucky (The shoe analogy is already over with, FYI). Continue reading

This Movie Suuucks: The Room

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , on 02/11/2012 by Taylor Holt

To describe The Room is not that disimilar to getting in a car wreck: No matter how much or how well you explain just what it’s like to be in that situation, no one can truly understand until they suffer through it themselves. And Lord, do you suffer. Continue reading