Archive for vin diesel

This Movie SUUUCKS: The Fast and the Furious Series; Part 2 of 2

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , , on 05/02/2012 by McCutcheon

Dang Rock, he’s opening up to you, just give him a hug.

So we’ve gone over the general storylines, right? Boy wants to be one of the popular kids. Popular kids eventually accept after boy drives car. Turns out boy is a cop. Does something to redeem himself to popular kids IF and only if popular kids are cool to begin with. Vin Diesel, yes. Cole Hauser, no. Who’s Cole Hauser? Exactly.

THY NAME IS HAUSER.

THY NAME IS HAUSER.

I know how loved this franchise is. Movies don’t get multiple sequels because they’re not making money. I completely understand why people like it too. Action, explosions, women, testosterone. But dang, man, let’s get some variety. The fifth one is about the only one that actually moved the characters forward. Before then, everybody seemed content with just having drivers bring down drug lords.

I’ve met/known several people who raced and none of them seemed to have it on the agenda to “bring down La Fuego; local heroin smuggler/millionaire.” But hey, Vin Diesel’s put that on his “To Do” list, thankfully for the police department of whatever city he’s hanging around. Continue reading

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This Movie SUUUCKS: The Fast and the Furious Series; Part: 1 of 2

Posted in This Movie SUUUCKS with tags , , , , , , on 04/26/2012 by McCutcheon

Vin Diesel, you don’t look a day over 45. Oh, better look out, Johnny Tran is in your photo shoot!

I knew I wanted to do a SUUUCKS today, but I just hadn’t been able to put my finger on what exactly. The idea had been a-stewin’ in my mind for a while to do 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) but a friend suggested 2 Furious was “2” obvious (ohhhh) and that Fast Five (2011) should be chosen because it was the most recent and just sucked in a way that only a fifty-five year old Vin Diesel can suck.

Then I thought, “Well, I loved the first one in 9th grade. But I hate that one now, too! Why not do’em all?” And now you know how I came to this decision and how easily influenced I am. Continue reading